The Fertility Mentor
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|Posted on August 31, 2013 at 4:03 PM|
I know, it sounds so simple. But if you think about the fact that each of you came together from 2 totally different backgrounds, upbringings, history, family values, dynamics, religions (even if the same), and more. It's a wonder how couples get along under normal circumstances!
Now factor in the topic of having a baby into the equation. If you're a couple who has no problem, congratulations. If you are not, chances are you have different opinions about how to go down the daunting road of infertility. Maybe one of you is committed to having your own biological child, no matter what is involved. Maybe your partner has always wanted to adopt. Maybe one of you is quick to pursue a donor egg or sperm. Maybe your partner wants nothing to do with that.
Whatever combination of opinions, feelings and desires you and your partner have, it will never work if you try to force your "way" onto your partner. If you are both completely opposed to each other's way of proceeding, it's not like you can compromise between trying to have a biological child and adopting. At some point, you must pick an option and go with it. There are many points of compromise once you are both on the same page about which avenue you will go down.
If you decide to adopt, the decision about whether to look internationally or domestically. What race the child can be. What religion, if it matters to one or both of you. What physical attributes the child has, and on and on. So many more decisions to make at every turning point.
The most important thing is to get on the same page first about how to have a child at all. Those wrinkles are not ones that can be ironed out later on, as this journey puts an enormous amount of stress and pressure on the most compatible couples. Go slow, get help, and lean on each other whenever possible. Most importantly, keep your eye on the ball....together.
Categories: General infertility